Vorfreude

Io sono la volpe. Quando da bambina ho letto Il Piccolo Principe mai e poi mai avrei pensato di diventare la volpe. Dovevo essere la rosa io.

 -Certamente, un qualsiasi passante crederebbe che la mia rosa vi rassomigli, ma lei, lei sola, è più importante di tutte voi, perché è lei che ho innaffiato. Perché è lei che ho messo sotto la campana di vetro, Perché è lei che ho riparato col paravento. Perché su di lei ho ucciso i bruchi (salvo due o tre per le farfalle). Perché è lei che ho ascoltato lamentarsi o vantarsi, o anche qualche volta tacere. Perché è la mia rosa.-
Ѐ il tempo che tu hai perduto per la tua rosa che ha fatto la tua rosa così importante!-

E invece sono la volpe.

 -Ma se tu mi addomestichi, la mia vita sarà come illuminata. Conoscerò un rumore di passi che sarà diverso da tutti gli altri. Gli altri passi mi fanno nascondere sotto terra. Il tuo, mi farà uscire dalla tana, come una musica. E poi, guarda! Vedi, laggiù in fondo, dei campi di grano? Io non mangio il pane e il grano, per me è inutile. I campi di grano non mi ricordano nulla. E questo è triste! Ma tu hai dei capelli color dell’oro. Allora sarà meraviglioso quando mi avrai addomesticato. Il grano, che è dorato, mi farà pensare a te. E amerò il rumore del vento nel grano… […] Se tu vieni, per esempio, tutti i pomeriggi, alle quattro, dalle tre io comincerò ad essere felice. […]  Quando saranno le quattro, incomincerò ad agitarmi e ad inquietarmi; scoprirò il prezzo della felicità! Ma se tu vieni non si sa quando, io non saprò mai a che ora prepararmi il cuore.-

Ho scoperto il prezzo della felicità e il mio cuore è stato sempre, costantemente, irrimediabilmente, impreparato. Ho conosciuto, come la volpe, quella che  i tedeschi chiamerebbero Vorfreude.
Vorfreude è la gioia delle attese, quella che precede l’appagamento, quella che a volte è più intensa dell’appagamento stesso. Non so chi per primo abbia detto che l’attesa aumenta il desiderio, ma i tedeschi gli avrebbero dato senz’altro ragione. Avrebbero capito cosa intendeva, loro che per descrivere quella sensazione strana, hanno addirittura inventato una parola.
Quanto siamo riduttivi noi che la traduciamo con “pregustazione”, come se Vorfreude fosse l’espressione beata e beffarda del gatto che gioca col topo prima di addentarlo. Ignoriamo di aver immaginato l’animale sbagliato. Vorfreude è il sentimento della volpe che guarda l’uva agognandone il succo, e pregando che un chicco cada dal grappolo in alto.
Per quanto l’aspettativa sia dolce, però, io volpe,  ne ho avvertito quasi sempre anche uno spiacevole retrogusto amaro: perché Vorfreude non è Freude, non è gioia vera, è speranza ma qualche volta illusione; è attesa di qualcosa che però, non sempre arriva; è ansia, e quella è tremenda, ti si concentra tutta nello stomaco e ti fa perdere l’appetito, ti toglie il sonno e ti rende scontrosa e strana agli occhi del mondo. E ti costringe a rispondere “niente” se mai ti chiedono qual è il problema, perché un po’, in fondo, ci si vergogna sempre ad ammettere quello che si desidera. Eppure ce l’avrei una risposta alternativa. Io saprei cosa dirvi se mi chiedeste qual è il problema. Sono la volpe, ecco il problema.
Sono la volpe e volevo essere la rosa.
Non volevo essere una che aspetta.

 

Valentina Comiato

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