Se Ulisse avesse preso i mezzi pubblici per tornare ad Itaca #5

Leggi cos’è successo ad Ulisse nelle puntate precedenti.

Ulisse non poteva credere ai propri occhi, forse il lungo viaggio lo aveva davvero destabilizzato. La vecchietta, a cui aveva chiesto indicazioni per trovare il suo treno, era sparita oltre il muro. Non poteva rimanere lì impalato per troppo tempo, rischiava di perderlo e allora come avrebbe fatto a tornare ad Itaca? La stazione era piena di gente che ciarlava, qualcuno lo spinse contro la sua volontà e così oltrepassò l’arcana soglia. Dall’altro lato trovò una specie di “stazione alternativa”, era estremamente pulita e aveva l’aria di essere funzionale. Un controllore gli chiese se fosse nuovo perché aveva l’aria smarrita e Ulisse lo guardò come se avesse visto un alieno. Effettivamente non aveva mai visto un controllore in vita sua. Giustamente perché non avendo mai pagato il biglietto, al solo sentirlo nominare, Ulisse se l’era sempre squagliata. Chiese del treno e lui gli spiegò che quella stazione parallela era speciale e riservata ma che avevano fatto un’eccezione quel giorno. Avevano accettato di prestare il loro treno per i poveri sprovveduti dell’altro muro (così chiamavano i passeggeri dell’altra stazione). Il tutto per via di un accordo: loro potevano rimanere nascosti e scegliere chi poteva usufruire dei loro servizi a patto di prestare di tanto in tanto i loro mezzi in caso di necessità. Solitamente chi abitava da quelle parti era a conoscenza dell’accordo tra le due stazioni, anche se quelli dell’altra stazione avrebbero dovuto dare notizie chiare anche a i forestieri. Purtroppo loro non avevano ancora inserito almeno un annuncio, così molti passeggeri non sapevano nulla o venivano a conoscenza dei loro servizi solo tramite passaparola. Dopo avergli spiegato la situazione gli indicò treno giusto, che nel frattempo era arrivato, e lo salutò. Ulisse salì sul mezzo senza difficoltà e con lui salirono delle scosciatissime ragazze vestite, per modo di dire, con magliette striminzite a tema videogiochi. Cercarono subito di sedurlo, promettendo di giocare con lui che, joystick alla mano, si stava già gettando tra le loro braccia. Ulisse si fermò, forte della sua coscienza, e decise di prendere la prima nave che avesse trovato al porto della città della prima fermata. UlisseCosì prese la Grimaldelli Lines. Non ebbe problemi all’imbarco, la navigazione proseguiva liscia come l’olio sui mari dell’Ignoranza, almeno fin quando non incontrarono le temibili bestie marine Camorra e Gender. Lo spaventatissimo capitano stava per fuggire con una scialuppa quando Ulisse gli intimò di risalire: “Salga a bordo, cazzo!” Ma non ci fu nulla da fare. Non si sa come ma Ulisse riuscì a sopravvivere e si ritrovò su di un’isola piena zeppa di bevande e vivande. Ulisse affamato e assetato mangio e bevve a sazietà, senza chiedersi se tutto quel ben di dio appartenesse a qualcuno. Stava per farsi un pisolino ristoratore, prima di decidere cosa fare, quando arrivò un gruppo di gente famosa di cui non si ricordava i nomi. Uno di loro si stava avvicinando arrabbiatissimo verso Ulisse, che lo aveva visto spesse volte, ma non in quei panni. Mentre gli si stava avvicinando, accelerando il passo, disse: la situazione per te sembra farsi davvero dura! I vip erano davvero inferociti e lo volevano fustigare, in modo da aumentare anche l’audience. Alfine Ulisse era riuscito a fuggire, ma prima di arrivare al banchetto del re generoso era stato trattenuto sull’isola dalla bellissima Callipso. Da quest’ultima aveva rifiutato l’immortalità perché gli mancava la cucina della moglie, dopodiché aveva preso un ultimo pullman arrivato, come al solito, in un imbarazzante ritardo. Ed eccolo lì il nostro Ulisse, ridotto alle lacrime per aver rivissuto tante disavventure, dalla pancia piena e il cuore ancora speranzoso di giungere finalmente alla meta a cui tutti i pendolari ambiscono. E lo vediamo ancora, incamminarsi lentamente, seguendo Berlum che commosso dall’intera vicenda, lo accompagna col suo aereo privato finalmente a casa.

Letizia Pizzarelli

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