Se Ulisse avesse preso i mezzi pubblici per tornare ad Itaca #1

Penelope sbuffava sonoramente mentre scuciva l’infinita sciarpa che era costretta a realizzare per i Proci che nel frattempo facevano i loro porci comodi abbuffandosi alla sua tavola, sua e del povero Ulisse scomparso. Da quando era finita la battaglia elettorale, per la quale era stato costretto a viaggiare, il marito non era più tornato. E lei era costretta da tempo a rifiutare le continue proposte di matrimonio, fino a quel giorno. I proci le erano piombati a casa tra capo e collo, imbellettati e impettiti manco fossero modelli dell’Altrocrombie. Disperata e messa alle strette era riuscita a convincerli ad aspettare il tempo che lei avesse impiegato per fare una sciarpa, nel frattempo sarebbero stati suoi ospiti.
Uno di loro aveva inizialmente protestato: “No Penelope io esco!”, ma dopo aver discusso con gli altri aveva convenuto con loro che i manicaretti di Penelope sarebbero bastati a ingannare l’attesa.

UlisseSi ma Ulisse che fine aveva fatto?
Il figlio Telemaco aveva persino condiviso un post su faccedalibello per cercare il padre, avevano contattato la trasmissione “Chi l’ha trovato?”, ma il servizio era stato soppiantato dalla recente scomparsa della bellissima Leda. Da tempo le ninfe svanivano nel nulla e non si comprendeva il perché.
Nel contempo Ulisse, oramai sfinito, stava rifiutando a Calipso l’immortalità, tormentato dalla mancanza della cucina di sua moglie. Che parmigiana che faceva! Come lei nessuno al mondo sapeva cucinare! Ma il pullman che l’avrebbe portato alla più vicina città tardava ad arrivare e quando finalmente riuscì a salire, quasi rimpianse di aver rifiutato l’immortalità. La folla rumorosa e puzzolente che infestava quel mezzo infernale lo avrebbe ucciso di sicuro. Tuttavia nauseato, ma ancora vivo, giunse nella città del re Berlum dove venne invitato ad un festino chiamato cinghialum, a quanto pareva era l’usanza del posto fare feste per qualsivoglia motivo.
Ulisse non sapeva proprio cosa aspettarsi quando…

To be continued…

Letizia Pizzarelli

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